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Monday, May 11, 2009

17 Sexiest Video Game MILFS

Since I don't have any new guides for the last weeks and the following weeks, I'll just be borrowing some articles which I personally find interesting. I do have reserved "free" projects but sorry, my priority right now is to finish my contractual project with

The list below is not my personal choice. However, my top 5 will be:

1. Sophitia
2. Samus
3. Tifa
4. Sarah
5. Nina


Original article can be viewed here:

#17: Sonia Belmont (Castlevania)
Mother of the entire Belmont Clan.

Sonia Belmont's had a rough history, or rather, a complete lack of one. After her adventures on the Game Boy, the series retconned her out of existence. What a change that makes, though, since Sonia was originally billed to be the first Belmont that defeated Dracula, going on to sire the Belmont Clan, starting with little Trevor. Oh yeah, and Trevor's Dad? None other than the famous Alucard himself.

#16: Jun Kazuma (Tekken)
Mother of Tekken protagonist Jin Kazama.

Hey, Jun hasn't been in a game since Tekken Tag Tournament (and she was dead after the events of Tekken 2), but she's still looking after her kid. Every series, she shows up in some spirit form or another to guide poor Jin in his quest to topple his a**hole-ish granddad. Talk about committed parenting.

#15: Tifa (Final Fantasy)
Well, she kind of adopted some kids in the FFVII movie.

Apparently, Geostigma is code word for "infertility," since Cloud and Tifa shacked up for two years and no little Avalanche Soldiers were running around. Of course, this doesn't stop Tifa, since she just decided to adopt a couple of kids anyway. Tifa's a real trooper too, since Cloud's apparently been spending his free time brooding over some dead girl.

#14: Sarah Sisulart (Lost Odyssey)
Grandmother of the irritating Cookie and Mack.

Technically, Ms. Sisulart's the oldest MILF on the entire list, although being an immortal being make this a very unfair statistic. We would've ranked her higher on the list if she wasn't responsible for those damn grandkids of hers. We HATE Cookie and Mack. HATE. Who the Hell names their kid after a snack food anyway?

#13: The Boss (Metal Gear)
Naked Snake's adoptive mother figure. (Spoiler Alert: She's also Revolver Ocelot's mom!)

The Boss may be pushing her older years, but you can't deny that this tough-as-nails war heroine is hotter than most things you'll see on the battlefield. Despite kicking Naked Snake's ass up and down the Russian countryside, she was always looking out for her non-biological son. Yes, even when she cut out the poor guy's eyeball.

#12: Matriarch Benezia (Mass Effect)
Liara's T'Soni's mother. Well, technically. The Asaris are pretty much all women.

If Benezia's assets are any indication, Liara's in for one heck of a "growth spurt" come the events of Mass Effect 2. Taking her down this powerful space psychic was no joke, either, since she can easily kill an entire party with little effort. Maybe she stores her power in her giant thingies.

#11: Princess Rosalina (Super Mario Galaxy)
Adoptive mother of the Lumas, Mom of the Galaxy.

OK, so adopting a bunch of little Lumas is a bit far-fectched but it does give Princess Rosalina one of the biggest families in this galactic group. Besides, she's definitely some serious competition in the Mushroom Princess's lovelife. Just wait until Rosalina gets kidnapped by Bowser and starts sending the Mario Bros. on more fetch quests.

#10: Princess Peach (Super Mario)
Adoptive mother of the Mushroom Kingdom & the Koopa Kids.

Well, come on. She's been getting "kidnapped" by Bowser for over 20 years. Those Koopa Kids didn't from from a freakin' stork.

#9: Sorceress Edea/Ultimecia (Ultimecia)
Moonlights as a foster mom to orphanage kids (Awwwww!).

Okay, it's kind of a roundabout story, but basically, Sorceress Edea was the kind owner of a kids shelter before big bad Ultimecia came along and made her all crazy. But, that job affiliation definitely classifies her as a mom. Besides, she's undoubtedly hotter when she's evil.

#8: Lulu (Final Fantasy)
Strangely enough, mother of Wakka's child.

This is actually the biggest twist in Final Fantasy X. No, not the whole "Tidus is the dream of a lost civilization's soul" or whatever that crap was. No, she and Wakka had a kid. Which means that they got down. And DID things. Sexually.

#7: Michelle Chang (Tekken)
Foster parent of Julia Chang.

She's hasn't been in any games since Tekken Tag, but this feisty Native-Chinese-American definitely knows how to pass on her looks and style. Rowr. Who needs genetics?

#6: Sindel (Mortal Kombat)
Mother of Kitana, Bride of (ick) Shao Khan.

You've got to hand it to Sindel. Despite dying, getting forcibly revived, then brainwashed and fooled into becoming the bride of a guy with the face of a crocodile, this old queen is still fighting her ex-hubby across Outworld and back. That's one heck of a messy marriage, but at least she got more than half the house and furniture.

#5: Samus Aran (Metroid)
Adoptive mom to the famous Metroid Hatchling.

Okay, now this is really touching. Samus's die-hard mission of extermination grinds to a halt when she discovers a little baby Metroid, and as those good 'ol maternal instincts kick in, she takes the critter with her. Unfortunately, not a day passes before Ridley brings down a space station and kidnaps the 'lil guy. Like a mother enraged, Samus essentially kills a WHOLE PLANET looking for her "baby," only to get saved by her adopted kid at the most climatic moment possible. Sniff. That's a great story.

#4: Crimson Viper (Street Fighter)
Apparently has a daughter. Who knew?

Mmm, Crimson Viper, you're so much hotter than your real-life counterpart. You know that someone's been reading their parenting book when they take the time to call their kids after kicking someone's ass in a street fight. Crimson Viper's a mom on the go, but she's still never too busy to call home.

#3: Nina Williams (Tekken)
Mother of Steve Fox, thanks to SCIENCE!

Okay, so Nina's not going to win any Mother of the Year contests, especially since she spent most of Tekken 4 trying to assassinate her own kid. Still, she didn't know that Steve was her son, and most importantly, Steve's kind of annoying anyway. Why couldn't Nina have had a younger, hotter daughter like Michelle Chang did, anyway?

#2: EVA (Metal Gear)
Mother of Solid Snake and Liquid Snake (Oh, um, Spoiler!)

Snake Eater was definitely a James Bond movie built for the PlayStation, and EVA made one Hell of a Bond Girl. Even though she's pushing 70 by the time Guns of the Patriots rolled around "Big Mama" was still busting her combat suit's bra, packing serious heat and riding motorcycles like a pro. Some things just get better with age.

#1: Sophitia (Soul Calibur)
Competed in the Soul Calibur Tournament to protect her daughter. Nevermind about that, though. Just look at the picture.

1 comment:

  1. Wrong, Alucard is not the father of Trevor, Koji Igarashi said that putting an end to that false myth